This has been a post I have opened up my internet browser to write at least 10 times. Each time I have come to do it, the correct words just haven’t seemed to be there. Honestly, I think there was a lot of fear associated with putting it all out there. I wanted so badly to share it with all of you, but for some reason I felt like putting it on here would jinx it somehow. I can’t keep the secret any longer though…
Before I get into all of the details, I just want to take a moment to thank you all from the deepest depths of my heart. I honestly don’t know how I could have gone through the past year without the love and support I have gotten from each and every one of you. Sharing my miscarriage story was one of the scariest and most vulnerable things I have ever done. To this day, I haven’t ever gone back to read the journal entries in that post. The instant love that was sent my way, full of emails, comments, and phone calls was almost too much to even comprehend. I was suddenly adopted into this sisterhood of incredible women who had felt that devastating pain I was feeling.
As the months went on, things started to look more normal but I was slammed with a pretty difficult case of postpartum depression. It was like it came in a sudden tidal wave that completely took me off guard. The combination of that depression and a “chemical pregnancy” that came in March was enough to have me say that I was done thinking about babies for a while. I needed to really focus on getting myself emotionally healthy again. I decided to come out and share part of my postpartum depression story with all of you and once again was overwhelmed with your support.
It was once I was really focusing on myself that a miracle happened. A sustainable, perfect little rainbow baby miracle happened.
It was a roller coaster of emotions as I learned I was pregnant. I was terrified that the doctor was missing something and that something was bound to be wrong again. Then the sickness came. Oh, the sickness came! I was SO sick. Some of you may recall a certain Snapchat story about me vomiting into a garbage can on one of the busiest corners of Boise. As sick as I was, I was grateful to know that the sickness meant that things were still developing the way they were supposed to be.
The dreaded 12 week appointment came and I was still terrified. That was the appointment I had gone to when they couldn’t find our angel baby’s heartbeat. Seeing that heartbeat still there at that appointment was a huge relief. I finally felt like I could start enjoying my pregnancy. We decided to tell extended family and our friends about the pregnancy, but I wanted to wait to tell all of you until I knew the gender. That’s right you guys, I kept it a secret for 17 WEEKS! I know the GENDER! Are you ready for this?
Good, cause I am sure not! A GIRL! A GIRL? Another girl?! My personality is the type that I like to have things planned out. I have gotten better about being able to go with the flow over the years, but in my mind I have never pictured myself as a mom to more than one girl. When the ultrasound tech told us our baby was a girl, Harper was the only one in the room who’s jaw and heart didn’t drop a little bit! We are SO excited about having another little girl in our lives, but it definitely took some getting used to when I thought about raising sisters.
Seeing Harper’s reaction when she found out she was getting a baby sister was one of the sweetest things I have ever seen. She is so excited to be a big sister. I don’t think she realizes that that little sister will be trying to play with her toys before she knows it!
Now that the word is out, be prepared for plenty of outfit posts that can be worn both maternity and non maternity, baby gear, and a nursery reveal! I won’t have to hide my tummy on Snapchat and I can give you updates on there now. I have been dying to share random cravings with you all.
One thing is definitely for sure. I won’t be taking this pregnancy for granted. Although most of it has been pretty trying so far, I want to appreciate it and remember it. I remember watching as my friend Kaylynn went through her pregnancy after losing her sweet angel baby, Ian. She beamed with joy and wanted to appreciate every second of that pregnancy. I want to be just like her and to enjoy it all, even though a lot of it isn’t glamorous at all.
I am just really excited to have you all be part of this journey with me.
Since I know I will probably get asked where I got my dress and necklace, I will share! (These are affiliate links) The dress isn’t even a maternity dress and it will probably fit my entire pregnancy. You can find the Floral Wrap Dress from Forever 21. The Expect Miracles necklace is part of Tribe Necklaces that are full of inspirational thoughts from Cents of Style. I also just want to thank the beautiful Stayc Smart for these photos. If you are in need of a great photographer in the Boise area, she is your girl.